Modern way of dating is way too different than the earlier times.

Online/virtual dating—aka meeting people through dating apps and websites—can feel like an overwhelming, chaotic mess when you jump in for the first time, and it can be disappointing when you don’t connect with anyone right away. 

For all the guys out there here are some virtual dating tips for you to ace it:

Know what you want.

Online dating works best when you actually know what you’re looking for. Are you interested in finding a committed relationship? Or are you more interested in casual dating and sex? Or maybe you’re just looking to meet interesting new people?

Set a clear intention for what you’re looking for. It may even be helpful to sit down beforehand and journal a little bit about what kind of relationship you want and who would be the ideal person to do that with. That way, you can be thoughtful as you evaluate people’s profiles and decide whether to swipe right (connect) or swipe left (pass) on someone. Focus on matching with people who actually align with your dating goals.

When meeting a woman online, keep her off the pedestal

One of the most common online dating mistakes guys make is putting a girl on a pedestal.  Just because the girl is attractive and mentioned a few things in her profile that really resonated with him he’ll start telling himself how incredible and perfect this girl is.  This can cause a few problems with online dating.  For one, he may find himself sending a long, rambling, and needy first message declaring how perfect they are for one another (which will creep her out).  Or he’ll simply find himself wasting the day, checking his inbox to see if she replied to his message.

To avoid this common online dating trap there’s a few things you can do.  Often, just realizing what’s happening and reminding yourself that you don’t actually know anything about her can be enough.  If you’re still hung up on her, try ascribing some silly characteristics to her (maybe she has a weird laugh, or an unhealthy obsession with unicorns) just to humanize her.

But always keep in mind that the best thing you can do in these situations is to simply find other women.  Whether its finding women online or elsewhere, the more women you meet the less likely you are to get hung up on that one girl.

Sending a first message in online dating

The first message in online dating is really much simpler than most guys make it out to be.  Most guys think you need to send an amazing first message to get a woman’s attention.  But that’s not the case.  You just need to separate yourself from other guys and get a conversation rolling.

Follow these guidelines you’ll be sure to send good first message to girls online:

• First, scan her online dating profile and see what jumps out at you.  Then look to bring this up in your first message the girl.  Showing you actually read her profile (most guys don’t), and that you’re interested in her and not just her looks will help your message stand out.
• End your message in a way that compels her to respond.  Believe it or not, a simple open ended question like “That’s a cool picture, where was it taken?” or “how’s your day been?” will work.  If you want your first message to a girl to have a bit more kick to it, you can always offer her a challenge.  For instance if she mentions she’s a dancer in her profile, you can challenge her with “you like to dance? Very well, I challenge you to a dance-off!”
• Keep your first message to a girl online short.  2-3 sentences is fine.  If you’re feeling talkative, maybe two paragraphs that size.  Anything longer looks like you’re trying too hard.
• Overall, keep the vibe fun, playful, and light. Just have fun and see if you can get a conversation going.

Show, don’t tell

The number one mistake guys make is writing about their traits rather than demonstrating their traits, Jakovljevic says. There’s a difference between saying “I’m a really funny guy,” and sharing a hilarious story on your profile. 

“If someone tells you they’re really cool, one thing you can be sure if is, they aren’t,” he advises. 

Think about what you want to communicate, and show that instead of flat out saying it. It’s also helpful to ask yourself, “What kind of introduction would I want to keep on reading?”

Steer clear of eliminating prospective dates, e.g. “must be down for a good time” or “have to be adventurous before swiping right.” The last thing you want is to come off as critical or bossy. Keep it positive.

Be honest and transparent.

Let people get to know you! Get into real conversations with people, ask them about their lives, and tell them about yours. Authenticity and vulnerability are what will help you form real relationships.

Be sure to also talk about what you want from dating and what kind of potential relationship you’d be interested in having. It’s important to be transparent: If someone says they’re interested in getting married in the next year when that’s nowhere on your radar, tell them that. If someone says they’re just looking for something casual, don’t play along hoping to trick them into a relationship—you’re just going to get yourself hurt or cause unnecessary drama for the other person.

Converse as you would in real life — in complete words, in good taste.

When exchanging messages, it’s important to avoid text speak and physical compliments, Jakovljevic says. Poor grammar and incorrect spelling are also a huge turn-off and make an awful first impression.

So while you may think phrases like “ur hot” and “omg so sexy” flatter the receiver, Jakovljevic says women read these types of messages all the time. If you want to stand out, get more creative and address their interests over their looks.

And while this may be obvious, it’s worth repeating: Do not go straight for the “nudes?” message, and for the most part, refrain from asking for sex at the initial stage. It’s one of the worst ways to start a conversation, Jakovljevic says.

Be patient.

These things take time. You might not meet someone for your first couple months of online dating, and that’s OK. There’s a whole culture around dating apps that might take some time for you to adjust to, and if you haven’t dated in a while, dating itself is a process that takes some time to warm and ease into. Be patient, keep engaging, and stay positive. If you need to take a break for some time, do that and come back when you’re ready to dive in again.

And don’t forget to have fun! That’s what dating’s all about.

Thanks for reading!!